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Odds and Ends

"Who are these soapless people?"

“Who are these soapless people?”

First off, I’d just like to say the entries in this month’s caption contest are killing me. In a good way.

Keep at it, folks.

The sunshine you’re sprinkling in my life is invaluable. It’s also valuable. Additionally, it means more to me than two candy bars falling out of a machine at once. And that’s a lot.

You wanna know something else? As you read this, I’m somewhere else besides the blog. That’s right, while it seems my voice is stationary and in your head, I’m also being broadcast to the greater KC Metro area, on Kansas City Live. If the implication of me being fed to the public in that many mediums is disturbing, I agree.

Let’s form a circle and be unnerved together. I’ll bring the chips.

But I say, why hurl yourself off the crazy train when you can ride that enchilada all the way to what-the-hells-she-talking-about town? So, instead of talking about something concise and mind-bending, let’s check out some other strange odds and ends seen around the Split level lately….

1.) The baby has taken to sprawling on his belly and declared himself to be “Fwimming ..fwimming.. fwimming.” This made sense when he was “fwimming” in the bathtub the other night, but makes much less sense when he does it on the back of the couch.

2. When asked if he’d like a sample bottle of expensive men’s shampoo that came in the mail, Husband replied he hasn’t been washing his hair for the last month.

“You haven’t been washing your hair when you shower?”

“Nope. I’m just rinsing it and seeing how it goes.”

More on this disturbing turn of events later.

3. Today, Sundance ran into the house, smelling of some sort of spaghetti dinner. When asked why she smelled so interesting, she replied she ate an onion she found in the backyard.

We don’t have any onions in the backyard. Subject has been put under intense watch and poison control is on standby.

4. A few days ago, I found the baby standing in the toilet. We went to a friend’s house on Friday night. The baby stood in their toilet too. You’ll be the first to know if we’re invited back.

5. Butch has taken to playing quietly and building train tracks, block buildings, and coloring diligently. I’m throwing in a normal bullet point so I can sleep at night.

So there you have it. I’m not really sure where we fall on the weird scale these days. All I know is I just heard stomping coming from the toilet.

Paige Kellerman blogs about marriage, babies and gin at www.paigekellerman.com, and is the author of At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles: Mostly-True Tales of An Impending Miracle. You can reach her at paigekellerman@gmail.com


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